Nausea and sick dnd hurting and dizzy stupid dystonicseizures I feel it all the cold floor when i fell the pain of my body thrashing still sick but so trapped and how many.. years I’ve been through hundreds of these I can’t even be unconscious i feel it all why am I still here why couldn’t I die with Karli why do i have to suffer so many more years God’s Will but I really wish I was gone too it just all hurts everything I’m so sick of it

Frozen 2 Review

Contains spoilers.. it’s cruel i lost my little sister and dad, and watching them start happy together is great.. but when olaf dies in her arms and she thinks her sister died too,which she basically did she should’ve at least had Kristof by her but no all seperate extreme grieving only for ta da her sister lives but as a element so I consider her partly dead from that and it’s like a rule Elsa always is queen it’s the great part of a magical queen.. and now she’s so far away in the forest this just isn’t a movie for kids even when Olaf comes back with Elsa showing up it hurts because I can’t have mine back that easy it’s not fair andso not a movie I’d think Disney would make and release early during coronavirus not that I don’t love the release early for most it’s magical and happy but for some like me it’s not a very good ending it’s aweful


It’s like people understand how sick they can get and wash hands don’t go out by sick people do they understand that’s how we always have to feel when they don’t care what they do with illness that could be deadly to many still.. even the flu, but this is attacking them badly so now they all act like they should usually be cautious

I know unfair

Life is unfair.. the hard part is accepting it s you go through it. I know it’s not the worst I know there’s a heck of a lot more things in the world which i wish I could help but that’s prayers right. It shouldn’t be a big thing my mouth has been breaking forever but my front two teeth it’s not fair to lose. I can’t sit still for dentists and they can’t do surgery either and I’m allergic to the main ingredient of most toothpastes. I don’t care how it makes me sound but it hurts to lose so much all the time. To have to keep going and living God’s Will. It’s just so unfair 😢

Deeper Water

I’ve gotten so much worse and it’s hard everything is harder like even my eyes and muscles and tendons and nerves and everything esp in my wrists and arm and hands and prob afte ri type this worse it gets so almost unbearable feeling and i’ve been waking up unable to move trapped in my body completely, everything is just getting so much worse and even if you can’t see it in how i type it’s like even the nerves in my back get sticked with a bunch of pricks all at once and i’ve been asking Mom if she could fix it and she said she wishes she could and the doctors can’t and it feels so claustraphobic and helpless and just painful and terrible and i want it to stop it fixed not feel it and then i realized.. God can fix it, God and Jesus can heal me!! Alleluia

I talked to my niece today about important things that she needs to remember etc so she remembers me a certain way it’s actually hard to do but feels  better knowing that I did it like i know she’ll be okay. Of course everyone will have to be. I’ve learned that everyone in the world is looking for someone to care. For a hero. They need God and Jesus ❤ open their hearts to them.

Double Sided Grief

Have you ever grieved yourself it’s not selfish is it to know how amazing it’ll be for me, yet leaving behind the pain for others. I hope you don’t miss people when you die. I’ve seen Karli and Daddy die. It hurts so bad I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. That’s it though right.. seeing my wonderland room removed knowing how you just want them back so bad, knowing it’ll be me someday.. my family my polka spotted dottie.. my niece who knows me and the one who might not remember me. The amazing butterflies everyone sent and made for me. All the things I love but won’t need anymore after passing away. Looking and remembering I was here and now pain free, I trust in the Lord to get them through this stuff on their journeys. I love them so much and know I always will never ending. Then there’s where I see when I look at it all from my view limited time, not being here anymore playing with Dottie bossing people around working on jhdkids. I’m scared but I’m not that’s the double sided part Me losing where I am and dying when God’s Will. I’ll get to be with so many though and I believe Jesus is there in life and death. Living like you’re dying will just drive you insane on the part of fearing you dying everyday and what to do. You can livelife and still do what you do and wait for God’s Will.


I keep stopping and seeing things so different, how i can feel so comfortable yet know it’s not going to heal me just keep me comfortable, I’ve added the last jhdkid to the book it feels different somehow like I know it’s meant to be my last and acceptance a kind of comfort knowing it’s done the book only taking editing etc it feels like I know how much I’ve done and that through God and Jesus i think I’ve done good and am passing it down trusting in God that it’ll be okay not to worry about it as much as I feel like it it’s out of my control I don’t think it ever truly was in my control.. I just pray it gets keep going jhdkids the start of a new year the start of a new.. hurt at losing so much and love for getting to be able to do what I could and blessed to still be doing things and loss of what it feels like I’m going to miss but comfort in knowing i did so much even if it means remembering and feeling without being able to do. I wonder if I’ll get to meet all of these jhdkids too well not all yet hopefully