thinking nightmare

jhd seems to take away abilities and give them back but at one point when they get to the point of staying and progressing and not going away.. i used to get weak soo bad and then better but then i stopped getting better from it, i used to have full memory thinking, now very short term memory cant remember so much its sad and cant think as much so bad it hurts.. it took away my ability to think any higher then what it wants and it physically hurts trying to go past the limits, something people probably don’t want to admit when they’re dying from this.. i grew up to 25 but never truly grew to 25 mentally always stayed more diagnosis age, now i’m going lower and lower, it’s sort of like benjamin button but without the ability to be so much higher then all of this like he was.. i dont know how long i’ll be able to process this much and well, i guess we’ll see when i go from writing paragraphs to abc blocks and yes it is very sad i never truly expected to go down from me to even more child to child range of thinking and now.. will i still be me, will i be more me, will i be less me, will i still be the same to people it seems i’m able to think better through writing on here then regularly even layering blankets or anything could are making me physically ill from trying to process them so i put on the simpsons i just simplify i have to i’d prefer cartoons and toys anyways i dont think i’ve ever grown out of it because never have i truly been ’25’ or out of my teens and less it seems

Mirror

jhd knows you like it exists and hurts you where it hurts the most, and makes it almost impossible to get the help you need, it seems almost planned that way.. for example it changes your immune system so you get sick and the disease makes it worse then normal but i’m allergic to antibiotics and only one kind of tylenol helps and it lasts forever.. you require er visits and hospital doctor stuff but your photosensitive so the lights make you feel like you have the flu no matter how much nausea medicine they give your throwing up almost the entire time from nausea.. jhd to begin with is hard to figure out how to help, it doesn’t help that it knows how to keep you from things that actually help, like making sure the seizing is safe enough in different forms to not be bad past 5 minutes so it can last sooo long and trap you and you can’t call for help and you can feel all of it, silent torture just like how my bodys been hurting soo bad non stop lately and it could easily be the disease so it wont go away ugh

The 16th

The Park, Ice Cream, and Opko(Shopko) and of course the exciting part for Lilli, ammas house!! Hoover loves the squidward house so he’s got a spongebob theme, and all our kids from today

Bullshit

seizing for hours on the edge of sleep and awake during them and of course noone sees because im supposed to be sleeping til 5 and now i’ll prbly get sick from the lack of sleep and extra pain for the seizing and probably more fucking seizing just because i can’t yell doesn’t mean i should have to go through this hell and you can’t call 911 for these because you get 2 meds and then ride it out bc it doesn’t kill you that fast like the others so its even fucking worse im soo sickk of thisss!!!!

Newsworthy

i’m apparently in a lot of articles news stuff now, and the l’anse sentinel soon too, i want everyone to remember that i’m not just a disease i’m a person trying to get through this no matter how many symptoms or how i may seem just someone sick doing something ridiculous, i just needed a  break and the lake has always calmed me i’m pretty sure anyone could make the same mistake.. i’m lucky i held on for so long with all my symptoms though that was a blessing from God for sure. if you don’t know me don’t judge too much into it, if you do i still wouldn’t want you to lol

juvenile huntington’s disease is your own personal hell and traps you into yourself taking everything away, i’m not that just suffering of that waiting for my time for God to take me. Until then i’m avoiding cliffs!!

heres one article news: Upper Michigan Source