Double Sided Grief

Have you ever grieved yourself it’s not selfish is it to know how amazing it’ll be for me, yet leaving behind the pain for others. I hope you don’t miss people when you die. I’ve seen Karli and Daddy die. It hurts so bad I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. That’s it though right.. seeing my wonderland room removed knowing how you just want them back so bad, knowing it’ll be me someday.. my family my polka spotted dottie.. my niece who knows me and the one who might not remember me. The amazing butterflies everyone sent and made for me. All the things I love but won’t need anymore after passing away. Looking and remembering I was here and now pain free, I trust in the Lord to get them through this stuff on their journeys. I love them so much and know I always will never ending. Then there’s where I see when I look at it all from my view limited time, not being here anymore playing with Dottie bossing people around working on jhdkids. I’m scared but I’m not that’s the double sided part Me losing where I am and dying when God’s Will. I’ll get to be with so many though and I believe Jesus is there in life and death. Living like you’re dying will just drive you insane on the part of fearing you dying everyday and what to do. You can livelife and still do what you do and wait for God’s Will.