Of Course..

I’m still also a sleepless person, i keep thinking of all the people i miss so much i want back so bad like carissa krivanek and judy and karli and daddy and crista bordeau and meghan sullivan and cory and sully and cathy and lauren and laura and mitch and jillian and vada and matty and mindy and alex chenell katie our nyc team and marie and bob and jake and david tovar and nancy wexler and and the kids and life the life that was there i want it back and so so so so many people and even people in just different forms in a world where life didnt change so much it just seems to keep going downhill.. basically

the moments in time that i dont want to leave from

i dont think anyone realizes how bad this hurts just grieving it all hurts i remember the last night i spent with karli i left watching a movie with her to go to church, i never expected the next day to turn into something i knew was coming but still didnt feel it would.. that’s sort of like this and sort of like life how it is now scared of whats next because its so real. i’m so sick of being alone from anything and everything that hits. I Am Trying. Just come back all of it 😥 I think the hardest part of it is knowing what i did that i didnt know i was doing, now theres nothing but consequence. i had no idea how many people i could hurt by being 25 with jhd losing a sister a dad and my older sister being sick and just relying on people, i never knew i could hurt people so much. It feels like the more backwards in time i go the less pain there seems to be