Jaceys JHD Journey~ My Story

Please Lord Just Let Me Hold Him Again

it’s all just one too many over the edge i just want out so bad and everythings, i can’t i have to get to dying in God’s will but this is past cruel I HATE THIS

It’s the yoop so we were always armed in heavy halloween outfits, it used to be fun when we were kids, we had vans a lot so when Karli got too sick i’d take two bags and show them she was in the van, it was somewhat stricter back then or maybe its where we went? to be honest i didn’t feel comfortable doing it, but it’s improvision for her, i didn’t know until i got sick how rational it really was and how it wasn’t that big of a deal. 

There’s a lot of kids out together different outfits, and all i want is a little girl, to be healthy enough to do all of that with her. There’s a lot of dreams i have at different points of life mainly because i can’t do them when i dream it. It should be a family, not a stupid disease. 

going on my 3rd 2010 alice in wonderland dvd wore the other ones out lol, went out with erica mom lilli and karisa for an unbirthday dinner it was fun lilli’s so silly

all my guppies died.. probably from the algae i finally agreed to let hoover in the tank maybe his sickness is better now

Postponing birthday due to sickness

i miss my baby boy Sabrael soo much

the 22nd i’ll be 26.. usually sick on my birthdays all i usually try to plan out is to not be in so much pain on it.. it’s good i’ve lived longer so long so far that i made it another year, even through everything, when most people would be planning big parties, or meeting friends, or going to a movie, or hanging out with their kids.. i just want to not hurt too much. i’m not saying this for pity, i’m saying it for understanding of not only me but those in the same situations

You get stuck unable to go backwards where it was better so you only miss it, going forwards unable to change what you wish you could, unable to do whatever the hell the disease takes from you living with pain all the time, and forward only usually comes with more progression symptoms pain loss grieving.. and when you’re in the present it seems like where you’re sitting isn’t the best of places to be. Just Stay. It’s all you can really do, just try and stay.