It sums up a lot

From a book i read.. “I thought I had been prepared for Robyn’s death–as much as you could be, I had accepted that she was going to die several weeks ago, but now I realised, I could never have been prepared for it. How can you prepare for something so awful? The human brain simply can’t comprehend that level of terror until it happens and then it hits you like a tidal wave and wipes you out. Grief is a funny thing. Nobody tells you about the awful crying that physically hurts; it comes from deep within your stomach and hurts your whole body–‘keening’ was the old Irish word for it and I could see why it was called that–sometimes it came out of my mouth and I sounded like a wailing banshee. All the love you still have to give now has nowhere to go and so it pools at the corners of your eyes and sits like a brick upon your chest until you can’t breathe. Nobody tells you how every cell, every synapse aches, right down into your very core. And nobody had warned me about the tiredness. The weeks of sleepless nights and living on adrenaline suddenly hit me like a tsunami and I was exhausted. I was so tired, my bones hurt, but still I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t face waking up again to realise she was gone.” I had lost a child, but somehow the human body kept going and the days were going past and I don’t know how they did, but time marched on. People still went to work, the post still arrived through the letterbox, bananas turned spotted brown in the fruit bowl, and everything kept going on and nothing stopped to grieve

— The Last Days of Us: An unputdownable, emotional Irish family drama for 2021 by Caroline Finnerty

Bella’s really sic cancer n hip dysplagia she hurts so bad and is getting so small by the hour. It’s so hard being unable to help her. I love her so much and don’t wanna lose her too.

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