The jhd makes everyone disappear I tried to get them to stay I can’t accept it but it still hurts so bad abandoning a sick friend for your convenience and not realizing that history is repeating itself in a way I refuse to just give in to.. When your friends that said they’d always be there they care and then they drop me and shatter what I’ve had of them.. I’ll always love them but they decided to leave and after I die they will have to face it when they get this sick they’ll wonder how any of this is really true and understand hopefully.. I still am not accepting this because it’s not my fault im sick and punishment shouldn’t be this bad you shouldn’t tell someone how much they matter that they’ll always be there promises turn to lies turn to me being absolutely nothing compared to who i used to be to them and that also isn’t my fault someone told me they’re not worth it but I’ll always think they are even when they think I’m not and that’s what I told them when they all decided i put in my input and feel a lot better knowing they know they hurt me with rejection and that i am living without them now 
So all you can do is ride out the flu hold on to the build a bear dotti and sparkle karli made me and hold her as close as possible until God says i can finally go be with everyone again no more of this pain I’ll be free

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