Ridiculous

I go through my room and Sabrael’s not here, i go into the dining room and room and Sully’s not there, Ellie’s not where she usually is on the couch or on the recliner with me, my Dad’s not in his blue recliner in the living room, and you can go in the living room half of it has stars on the cealing from Karli’s room, she’s not in her bed or her chair, she’s not at walmart at midnight anymore. My body says it wants this slushy so i drink the fricken slushy, nope now it didn’t want it and you’re on the floor most the day screaming and crying in pain throwing up your body won’t stop moving and it’s hard to breathe your lungs are spasming everything is just shaking and hurting so bad and you can ask God to take you and it’s not happening, because it’s not your time yet.. what kind of hel* is this.. where you can feel broken and shitty and still have to deal with the bullshit juvenile huntington’s disease desides to do and it can’t be helped or fixed. I know what you’re thinking and no, hemp cbd doesn’t work it’s not magic for me. I’m waiting for God’s Will and God and Jesus help me through all of this. but seriously.. i want it all back, but if i go back then i can’t go forwards to where i see them all not sick. So i just have to survive until God says it’s my time.