Clear

the world shows you perfect families and friendships in different ways, television magazines etc.. it shows life as it can’t be, making me wish it could be, even in the perfect situation life still wouldn’t look or be that.. simple.. too good to be true type of life. My last fish the algae eater hoover is dying right now. It’s hard to watch. I remember when they said that about Karli, when she died the pain was/is unbearable impossible to even fathom this pain existing that it was actually possible to lose so much.. it feels like when they’ve passed my Daddy and Karli it’s like a memory of losing them, what i need to understand is

I Have A Little Sister Named Karli

I Have Two Older Sisters,

Erica Is Only 2 Years Older Than Me

My Oldest Sister Is Karisa

Karisa Has A Daughter, My Niece Lillith Jane

I Have A Mom Named Jane

I Have A Daddy Named Karl

It’s all still real and hard to keep in mind the idea that, even though it seems like a moment or memory or trauma you never stop grieving it’s like putting an end to a sentence and surviving afterwards, there’s no end to it.. surviving yes by faith, grieving always it hurts and might not be recognizable but it’s there and maybe that’s what else makes us different from relating to anyone else. We tried getting a special counselor to relate to these situations, my seizures are too bad and that’s what they said they wouldn’t want me falling from them.

One Day I’ll Hopefully Be There With Them, But Until God Says So I Just Need To Stay and Survive Even The Worst Of Worst. I know Jesus is there even in life and death.

Psalm 46:10  He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

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