Complex

went to the doctor, was completely outright honest like usual, trying to explain why living for other people isnt fair having had thousands of events seizures awake different everything getting worse and how if its all getting worse and downhill cant go back, then why go forward? that dying would be better and noone would have to watch me suffer anymore either. he said i didnt chose to have hd but i do, its not fair, and i cant wish it away. i can’t hurt myself because its not right. i know i have to wait for gods will for me to die but its all soo dam* frusterating, none of anyone can help me with the issues i have because i’m so rare apparently. i just want them to make the pain stop. i close my eyes, breathe and just stay. that’s all i have to do just stay. no matter how much more suffering. i look towards all the kids who’ve suffered and made it like karli and know its possible to make it, it doesnt feel like it but i can make it, i have to make it to gods timing not mine. if everyone could just stay this would all be so much more easier. i’m on 24/7 watch already for seizures etc, why not hide all the sharp objects too. they’ve been hidden for a long time. how many more another thousand movement seizure events, waking up unable to yell for help, how much more. God only knows