i wish..

i wish i were dead, i admit it i can be the worst person in the world for thinking that for admitting that but would it be that aweful for this pain to not be felt this disease pain the pain of holidays of situations of life.. would it be that bad to not have another virus on top of the virus i have had for awhile now that i cant use antibiotics for for the chronic pain and everything the doctors cant fix im selfish im pathetic im sick im invisibe im in extreme pain and i wish it away doesn’t mean i can do anything but wish so i wish it

its not fair how do i handle this when the neighbor is playing the dog music as loud as they can and i came right up to the fence and told her i have seizure disorder and she goes we have heart attacks its an old couple i dont know what to do this is also a huge quality of life issue

even my family runs in different directions i thought today could be a great day about karlis life and erica makes a cake and takes off with her boyfriend when she promised me today yesterday so i leave and we go out with lilli bless her and come home and that damn neighbors