I wonder if there’s anyone who’s life I’ve made worse.. I’ve for most felt I don’t fit in anywhere, I suppose with my situation it makes sense i mean who can really relate..  but then there’s the ones who want me to stop talking to them I tend to see myself as a burden so i tell them the painful words.. I’ll leave you alone I’ll stop talking I don’t know if its me or them considering I’m sick and so much of me is truly invisible to me.. I knew once I got sick that I couldn’t get as angry and aggressive as my dad was, so what am i truly I can’t see and who have i hurt I can’t truly know if it’s can’t even see a lot of the physical movements of the disease so I’m confused and in a way sorry for those people I hurt 

I think conventions were hard because I got such amazing support and they were there and then they were all gone home even to different countries and that’s how I knew it was so hard because life goes on when you get home and everyone gets busy again and it all disperses and it makes it hurt because you miss what you had, I’m too sick for conventions now but i hope the nya helps the youthand doesn’t party away from them when they were to little or sick to go it hurts thinking about how much I just wanted to hang out and be with them when they left to party not all of them are like that 

i was very blessed with a few who would sit down with me 

youd be surprised how many people in life see you break and still pretend you’re not there not just at conventions 

I’m going to sleep really hoping I don’t get trapped in my body again 

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