so crazy

I keep having these episodes someone very smart found the name for me dissociation episodes. Very aweful feeling i just wanna stay awake it feels so numb and me and not me atthe ssame time. The crazyparts all of it. Going through urns for my family members, how many cubic inches to fit my little sister. Crazy. My dad has a really cool looking one mom chose because he loved being outside and inthe woods. I even chose ne i want, if mom keeps us in urns. As long as we’re all together. I don’t want to be alone in an urn if my family’s ashes are buried together. This is reality, crazyness of it all. Lets just pray we all make it together in Heaven. Amen. I had a friend for a short time she died recently like days hername was Tiffany, I didn’t talk to her but we liked the Cheshire cat and alice in wonderland and thought the same way we still communicate with her family too. I can’t wait to meet her oneday. I don’t say that often how many people who’ve died ill get to meet. May ittsa coping thing too. Doesn’t really matter when im already dying anyways too right.